Three weeks

Besides the occasional crossed eyes, Ryder is still as cute as ever.  Those cheeks are starting to fill out and the newborn sleepers are starting to get a little snug.  He still sleeps pretty good, going 3-5 hours, so up about twice at night.  During the day he's awake more which can be fun when he's sweet and happy and not so fun when he's screaming all while Maddox pees his pants, the phone is ringing and the kids are fighting.  We've been on our own for a few days now and even with Jason traveling this week it hasn't been too bad.  I credit it all to my amazing friends and to Kylie, my second little mother. I could never move because I know I will never find friends like the ones I have here.  They have spoiled me with so much food, and not just dinner but breakfast and lunch too, I may have to reconsider having another baby for the food perks alone. I think he will be a month old before I have to start cooking again and Jason is afraid that I've forgotten how to cook. They've also taken my kids and even came and watched the Bachelorette with me so I wouldn't have to be alone. So lucky to have these girls in my life.  And then there's Kylie...she has grown up over night and is such a HUGE help.  Like a real help, not just pretend.  She has a way with Ryder and can calm him down better than I can.  She is so quick to jump up and offer help when I need it and never complains if I ask her to do something.  The other day she was holding a crying Ryder while helping Maddox get his pj's on and I began to worry that maybe I was taking advantage of her, but man is it nice having the extra hands. I just hope the novelty doesn't wear off. Jayden and Maddox are so cute with him too.  Jayden likes to hold him, but only for one minute increments. Once when he was holding him he was scratching his nose and I told him not to scratch while holding the baby so it doesn't give him germs.  So now whenever he asks to hold him he has to get all his scratches out first and frantically scratches every part of his body.  Everytime he sees him he always gets right up in his face and says, "you're so chubby and cute, you're so chubby and cute.." repeated about 29 times.  I'm glad he bonds with him in his own little way.  Maddox is super cute with him and so not jealous.  Besides trying to touch his eyeball just for fun, he loves his "wittle guy" or "wittle buddy".  He always asks to "pet him" and hold him and says things like "I so lub him" and "he so coot".  He is constantly nuzzling him with his head and told him he will protect him from any ghosts. He tried making him a bottle the other day when he was crying and wasted about $10 of formula, but how can I get mad when he's just trying to help? Ryder is lucky to have brothers and a sister who love him so much, and for my sanity sake I'm lucky too.  He smiles every once in awhile, not on purpose just reflexes I guess.  I love this adorably goofy smile, it cracks me up everytime I see this picture.

His "belly cord" finally fell off after 2 weeks and 5 days. It was pretty nasty, I'm glad it's gone.  It was nice to finally give him a real bath before he outgrew the sink.  Sponge baths just don't give the same newborn scent. Kylie loved being a part of his first bath experience and Maddox thought it was so funny that his private part looked like it was floating like a boat.  Ryder liked it fine enough, I just need to find time to bathe him more than once every 3 days. Oh this little man melts my heart more than I can say.

(I'm not sure what it is about Jason and I unknowingly flipping off the camera...)

He told me so....again.

I need to stop betting against Jason.  He always wins. I thought Maddox was too young to start swimming this summer, and that just added fuel to the fire and made Jason all the more motivated to teach him and prove me wrong.  And he did just that. This kid has no fear and is quite the little fish.  It is pretty dang cute to watch if I do say so myself, so maybe being proven wrong isn't quite so bad after all. (PS-Jason, the pink goggles are quite flattering on you).

The training wheels

I have been so spoiled having my mom and Jayci here for 2 1/2 weeks and my dad for the last week as
well.  I kept telling my mom that I don't know what I'm going to do when I'm on my own, she referred to it as taking the training wheels off, and that's how I feel.  I've relied on her so much this past week and didn't realize just how much I needed her.  Not only did she cook delicious meals (and cinnamon rolls!), clean, spend time playing and doing crafts with the kids, baby-sit so that we could go out on several dates and let me nap every single day, but she also gave me the greatest gift--being able to just sit and hold my baby.  These past two weeks I spent the majority of my day just holding Ryder and that time is priceless.  He has already grown and changed in the past couple of weeks and that time with him is something I'll always cherish.  I'm so used to always being on the go and making myself be productive so it was so weird for me to do absolutely nothing. For three days I only had one thing on my to do list and it took me all three days to get it done, but I have zero regrets that all I did was sit on the couch for days on end and snuggle with my little man. The kids also had so much fun going on outings and swimming with Papa while my mom and I enjoyed a quiet house. I can't thank them enough for coming down to help, we are all going to miss having them here! Kylie doesn't know how she'll survive summer with out her bff Jayci and I don't know how I'm going to handle four kids with only 2 hands. Maddox's tears when they left pretty much sum up how we all felt. Thanks for coming, we'll miss you guys!!

Twelve

Twelve years ago today,
we said "I do" and were on our way.
We sped off in Euzer and our journey began,
With a few dollars to our name and a Valentine's frying pan.

Over the years we've seen it all,
first job, first house, first baby and 123 games of BYU football.
We've traveled all over to so many places,
we've seen each other through sickness and sunburned faces.

From selling phones door to door,
and Sunday night Rook games at 414 north.
There are so many wonderful memories over the past 12 years,
so many smiles and so many tears.

Our love nest has grown from two to six,
with each milestone documented with hundreds of pics.
Looking back I wouldn't change a thing,
and to think that this beautiful life began with just a ring.

Happy anniversary, Jay, I love you!!

Dad's day

"Let us reflect gratitude for our fathers.  Father...is ever willing to sacrifice his own comfort for that of his children.  Daily he toils to provide the necessities of life, never complaining, ever concerned for the well-being of his family.  This love for children, this desire to see them well and happy, is a constant in a a time of change."

-Thomas S. Monson

Happy father's day to the one man who can make the kids drop everything and run to the door when he comes home.  The one that makes the best blueberry pancakes every Sunday morning.  The one who spends every Saturday baking in the Arizona heat to make the yard beautiful.  The one who grows the finest crop of tomatoes.  The one who can fix anything.  The one who doesn't bring the stresses of work home and never complains.  The one who calls me during the day to tell me he loves me.  The one who watches The Bachelor with me. The one who taught me to floss regularly. The one who brings treats home for the kids when he travels.  The one who looks hot on the wakeboard.  The one that I love to watch playing with the kids.  The one who clips out the Hobby Lobby coupon for me from the Sunday paper every week. The one who is the planner so that I don't have to be. The one who really makes me laugh. The one who accomplishes anything he puts his mind to.  The one who doesn't miss a month of home teaching.  The one who has learned to put up with my emotional rollercoasters.  The one who takes pride in what he does.  The one who I love to snuggle and watch the Office with every Thursday.  The one who opens doors for me on dates.  The one who teaches Jayden how to play baseball.  The one who gives away all his father's day chocolate to his kids.  The one whose stories I like to hear about when he was younger.  The one who would do anything for his family.  We love you, Jay, happy father's day!!

Five days

Some pictures for your sake and some random journaling for mine....

It hasn't been that hard of an adjustment--yet. My mom (who is heaven sent) has been on cooking duty, Jason has been on kid duty and with all the naps and sleeping in I've probably slept more than I have in a month. I feel kind of guilty. Ryder sleeps for like 23 hours a day so sometimes I forget I have 4 kids. I know this is the honeymoon period and once he hits 2 weeks it will all change since he'll be awake more and all my help will be gone, so I'm enjoying it while it lasts.

The hardest part has been trying to give the other kids the same amount of attention. Kylie has already made comments like "how come everything is always about Ryder" and "if I got burned on the stove you probably wouldn't even care because all you care about is Ryder". Sometimes when they climb on me and hug me and just want to snuggle, my initial reaction is for them to get off so I can have my space. I hate that. I want to want to hold them as much as before.

I avoid answering the phone the first week home.

I miss having time with just Jason in the evenings after the kids go to bed since now I'm too tired to stay up past 9. Last night we had a movie date night and watched "Just Go With It" on the laptop snuggled in bed eating ice-cream and popcorn. It was lovely.

My heel went numb during my last trimester, and it still is.  Weird.

I feel bad admitting this, but I wasn't baby hungry before or even during my pregnancy. This worried me. I saw other babies and they were cute and it was nice holding them for a short period of time, but I never got that ache in my bosom that you're supposed to feel. It was more like I knew we were going to have 4 kids and the timing was right. I am so glad that has changed. I find myself wanting to do nothing but hold him and stare at him all day. I want to memorize every feature and facial expression and watch him get bigger with each passing minute, wishing I could stop him.

I have sworn off nursing about 5 times now. The cramps kill, the latching on makes me cry and I don't even have enough milk to make it worth it. By the time I nurse on both sides, feed him a bottle and change his diaper, 45 min has passed and what mother of 4 has that much time every couple of hours? But then the next time he cries, I feel what little milk I have letting down and then I am stricken with guilt for being so selfish so I give in to one more last supper.

I get insanely clingy when I'm postpartum.  I hate when Jason leaves and he has a million business trips coming up.

I love his chicken legs. With every feeding I know those skinny little legs are going to start fattening up and turn him into a baby not an infant.

The first two nights he woke up only once, going 4-5 hrs between feedings. The last several nights have been every 3 hours, but I can't complain. This will be my last time having a newborn to wake up to in the middle of the night, that makes me happy and sad at the same time.

The birth story

The countdown is on until my quiet hospital stay is over so I thought I better take advantage of it by recording Ryder's birth story...

I was scheduled to get induced 5 days early on Wednesday June 8 at 9pm.  Even though I really wanted to experience going into labor on my own, I was excited to finally have the end in sight and no longer play the waiting game.  I went on Tuesday morning for my regular appointment and was surprised that I was already dialated to a 5.  He went ahead and stripped my membranes again and I was hoping that would put me into labor later that night AFTER Jason's 7:00 flight home from Vegas.  I was having contractions throughout the day, some stronger than others but nothing too regular.  I thought I better hold off on walking the neighborhood and jumping on the trampoline until after Jason came home, but I wasn't too worried that I would go into labor before then.  Around 5:00 my contractions were starting to get a little stronger and when Jason called to tell me that his plane was delayed, panic started setting in and I had a little meltdown on the phone.  I did get some good news when my mom called shortly after that.  She was originally planning on flying in Wednesday morning but when I called her after my dr. appt., she scrambled to try and catch an earlier flight.  My aunt works for United so it is a nice perk that my mom can fly standby, but it's not always reliable.  The last time she came to visit she spent 2 days and one night in the Dallas airport before she could catch a flight here and I was worried that the same thing might happen again.  There was a flight that looked pretty promising with 20 openings that would get her here at 10:30 Tuesday night so I was surprised and excited when she called and said she and my little sister Jayci were able to get on an earlier flight that was previously oversold and then at the last minute they ended up with exactly 2 openings and they would be landing at 7:50, right around the same time as Jason.  What a blessing, love those tender mercies.  I spent the next couple of hours getting the kids dinner, putting Maddox to bed, packing my hospital bags and trying to breathe through contractions.  I was trying to keep busy and stay distracted but I could tell they were getting alot stronger.  I was trying to be brave for the kids sake but it scared Kylie to see me that way.  I was crying, she was crying and she worried that I would have the baby at home, that is if I didn't die first.  Finally I started timing the contractions and realized they were only 3 minutes apart and then I really started getting worried.  At 8:00 I called Jason (who still didn't believe I was going into labor and was fully planning on going to work the next day) and they were just leaving the airport.  It's about a 45 min. drive home, plus another 15-20 min to the hospital and I didn't know what to do.  He had me talk to my mom and as soon as she heard me she knew I needed to get to the hospital right away and at that point I think both Jason and I began to panic.  So much that I didn't even care what my hair looked like.  I called my good friend, Julie who was so excited and rushed right over.  Another friend just happened to be at her house so she came over to watch the kids and we were off.  It was so chaotic and I felt bad leaving the kids like that, they weren't sure whether to be scared or excited.  I will never forget that ride, it was like something out of the movies.  She was hilarious, we would laugh and talk in between contractions and as soon as one would hit she would alternate between cranking the Beiber to try and distract me or sit in complete silence and gently talk me through it.  At one point we came to an intersection that was shut down because of an accident, she pulled right up to the cops and told them that we needed to go straight through because I was in labor (I've always wanted to use that excuse).  They looked at us like they couldn't decide if we were joking or if we were lovers (maybe she should held off on gently stroking my stomach when she was trying to convince them it was for reals).  They wouldn't let us go so instead she ran the red light turning left.  We finally made it there and I was so relieved to see Jason and my mom (who went home with Julie to be with the kids).  I love that my mom documented every moment, breathing through contractions and all, with pictures. I didn't realize how sweaty I was from all the pain until I went to hug Julie before she left and I could tell my back was drenched in sweat.  As emberassing as these pictures are, it is what it is and I'm glad I have these memories recorded. 

They checked me and I was already almost to a 7 so they got me hooked up to my IV and into the room as soon as possible with the anesthesiologist on his way. Even though I was nervous because the anesthesiologist looked like he was straight out of highschool and was actually an anesthsia nurse not a doctor, I really have never experienced so much excrutiating pain and that epidural was a beautiful thing.  Usually I hate it because being numb makes me have panic attacks.  I usually spend my labor with the oxygen mask hooked up, an extreme case of the shakes and throwing up from the nausea.  This time was so different.  I was so calm and relaxed, everytime a contraction would register on the monitor I would get so giddy because I couldn't feel a thing. The doctor came and broke my water shortly after that to speed things along.  My nurse was great, we all just sat and chatted away and let the time pass.

After about 2 hours from the time I checked in, I was dialated to a 10.  I wasn't really feeling any pressure to push, so she just took her time getting things set up and we all just joked around and had a grand old time.  When the time came the doctor waltzed in, I pushed through about 3 or 4 contractions and out he came at 11:44 pm (almost 3 hrs after we checked in), weighing 8lbs (well, 7lbs 15.9 oz if we're being technical), and measured 21.6 inches long. We were suprised that he was such a big baby, but it definately explains why I couldn't sleep for the past month. I had a mirror set up this time and it was amazing and crazy to see the miracle of his birth.  Usually I am such an emotional wreck after the delivery, I'm sobbing from excitement and relief to have it all over and this time I thought would be worse since it's (most likely) our last , but it was nothing like that.  Everything was so peaceful and calm, I just sat there soaking in every moment with only the site of my episiotomy getting stitched up to distract me (I really wish he would have moved the mirror for that).  It was such a beautiful moment and just like the birth of my other children, one that I will never forget.

The kids were so excited to come and see him the next morning and I loved watching them fall in love with him too, examining every part of his teeny little body, stroking his soft hair and kissing his little cheeks.

I was curious to see how Maddox would react and I was relieved to see that he couldn't get enough of him. He kept playing peek-a-boo and singing Rock-a-by Baby to "his" baby Ryder.

Jason never understands why I enjoy the hospital stay so much but after all the door slamming from playing hide and seek in the bathroom, the countless times the nurse's button got pushed, Maddox ramming the bassinet into walls, Jayden begging to watch Spongebob and eat my food (and checking under my blankets to see if I was naked), I think he finally realized why I cherish a silent, dark room with food only a phone call away and my only responsibilities are to hold and feed an adorable baby, sleep and take atleast one shower before I go home.  Needless to say, I am soaking up every minute I have here with sweet little Ryder, but I am also excited to go home and start our new adventures with four kids. I feel so blessed.
 

My friend is hilarious, she made me these "pee-pee tee-pees" for when I change his diaper.  The kids thought it was so nice of her to make little birthday hats to celebrate his birth.

Kylie and her aunt Jayci are inseperable, they even have to dress the same.  They are having the best time together and made up songs about me and Ryder to the tune of "Fireworks" and "Funk Soul Brother" that they performed for us.

My friends rock, what can I say.  It was fun to have them stop by (and Chelsea who was able to stop by earlier too :) and discuss such important topics as birthing, nursing and poop.


Heading home....

The girls were so cute, they spent the last couple of days running a spa and earning money for gifts for Ryder.  Apparently Jason quite enjoyed his poolside massage and facial, complete with cucumbers on the eyes, so much so that they earned $15 towards presents, thanks to generous donations from Grandma and Jayden too.  So cute.