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Cornflake Crack Cookies
11 hours ago
Monday, January 10, 2011
So it's a boy. And here's the deal: I am so grateful that he is healthy, I am so grateful to be pregnant and have a healthy pregnancy, and I am so grateful that I already have a girl, and I love my boys and couldn't imagine life without them, but darn it I'm a little sad too. I'm sad because Kylie wants and needs a sister so bad. She said she couldn't sleep at all last night because she kept thinking about all the fun things they would do together...share a room, wear matching clothes, paint nails...and I'm sad that she's sad. I'm sad because there are so many adorable little girl clothes and accessories that I've been dying to buy. I'm sad because after making hundreds of hats for other people's baby girls I've been dying to make one for my own. I'm sad because my friend has the cutest baby girl hand me downs that she said I could have. All that stuff seems trivial but I'm also sad for other reasons. I'm sad because I'm worried that once they get married I'll lose my boys. It's natural to spend more time with the wife's family and when she has a baby it's her mom she's going to want to have there, not her mother in law. I'm sad because for 6 years I'll have boys on missions and will be worried sick about them on the other side of the world. I'm sad because I am feeling very inadequate when it comes to boys. I feel pressure to raise these valiant "stripling warriors" in these last days and I'm worried that I won't provide the spiritual background that they need to become strong priesthood leaders and missionaries in these challenging days. I'm sad because I don't know if I can be an eagle scout mom three times over, that's alot of projects! I'm sad because I wanted to be done. Today I was supposed to pack up all my baby boy stuff and start getting excited for the next stage of life, but now I'm wondering if we should try for one more (for Kylie's sake as much as my own). So today I am allowing myself to be sad and tomorrow I can be excited to have another little momma's boy that will melt my heart just like my other boys.
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5 comments:
Believe me, I felt some of the exact same things last year, I just didn't put it all out there like you did. I am tearing up for you right now and my heart goes out to you -- I seriously felt the same way with each boy ultrasound I had and still feel many of the same things--losing them to their wives families, sending them on missions, raising respectful and valiant boys without squashing the personalities they've been blessed with. Those things scare me each and every day. It really is a good thing they do melt our hearts--that alone almost, almost fills that tiny pin prick of a hole that you will remain open for another baby girl. I'll be thinking of you and hope that tomorrow you really can wake up and be so so so happy to be blessed with another boy.
PS Something a friend said to me last year helped a little--the world needs good moms of boys and Heavenly Father really does trust us if he forms our family with many boys. I have come to believe that Heavenly Father makes our family the way it should be. I know you know that too and I hope you will remember that when you really want to make yourself a pink baby hat. Hugs!
Don't underestimate yourself. You'll be able to rise to the challange. The Lord sends these valiant boys to the mothers that will love them and raise them just the way they need to be. You'll be amazing and grow to love all the different rolls your play in their lives. However, I am so sad with you that you won't have a little girl to dress up and do girly stuff with. I am so sad that Kylie won't get a sister this time around either. I can't imagine not having at least one sister! She is so lucky to have such a wonderful and fun mom that does sister kind of stuff with her though. Go ahead and grieve the loss of this girl you never had and then in a few days you can move on to the joy of another boy. You're awesome! Love you!
Ugh, thanks a lot! I haven't really thought that far away about "loosing" my boy... Sad!
You are a great mom to boys, look at those 2 you have, they are stinkin' cute and so so funny! Besides, you don't have to do it alone, you have an amazing husband who is such a great example to them.
And you can always make those little hats for Grace, I won't mind ;)
I have had all of those same thoughts about boys! I have mostly made peace with not having any daughters, but I do wonder if I will regret it later when they are raised and off with their wives' families. But, I think that if I have a good relationship with them, then we will stay close. Plus, I am pretty much relying on them to give me a granddaughter. Out of three kids, I should get at least one granddaughter right? And watch out - she WILL be spoiled :). You have no reason to worry about being a GREAT mother to valiant sons. In fact, after your announcement yesterday, I thought, of course she is having another boy. She's a great mom to raise future missionaries and fathers!
All I can say is...I feel your pain, I don't blame you for your feelings. I am glad that you and I are getting over it because we have been so blessed to be pregnant and have a baby...but I am still in shock that I am having my fourth boy and I have no girls.
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