Friday, May 29, 2009

What I don't like about being a mom

Bring on the poopy diapers, the throw up and the lack of sleep, I was prepared for that. What I wasn't prepared for was being the one responsible for making decisions for my kids that will affect the rest of their lives. I had major internal conflicts over the whole immunization issue. I never worried about it with Kylie and Jayden, but with Maddox I had heard so many more horror stories and read so many controversial articles that it left me torn. Either immunize and my kid could get autism, or don't immunize and my kid could get a life threatening disease. It's the first time when I really felt totally inadequate to be making those kind of decisions. I wanted somebody else to be the mom and tell me what to do (I did end up immunizing but I think I'll hold off on the MMR until after he's 2). The next big decision that has left me torn is what to do about Jayden for school next year. He barely makes the deadline with an August birthday, but ever since the day he was born I knew I wanted to hold him back a year so that he wouldn't struggle being the youngest in the class. I had the perfect little plan to send him to half day kindergarten at a local school then transfer him to Kylie's school the following year for all day kindergarten. I got him accepted for open enrollment at the other school and all was fine and dandy until Kylie's principal told me that with all the budget cuts they are no longer allowing students to repeat a grade unless they have an IEP stating that academically they need to be held back. He's been to two years of preschool already and is ready for something more, but I don't feel like he's ready for all day kindergarten, especially at Kylie's school which has a challenging curriculum. He was excited about kindergarten and would be crushed if he had to do another year of preschool (since apparently that's for babies). I wouldn't even know where to send him since he's been in the speech preschool. I felt like my only option was to enroll him at Kylie's school, but I just didn't feel confident about my decision. Once again, could somebody just please tell me what to do! (love ya Jason, but "I don't know, what ever you decide" doesn't help much :) I know it's just kindergarten and doesn't seem like such a big deal, but if I do send him then he'll be the last to drive, the last to date and if I don't send him then he'll go straight on his mission right after graduation and things like that. So today I think I finally came up with a solution to enroll him at a charter school so that the public school won't be paying for 2 years of kindergarten and I can still have him repeat next year. I think I feel good about my decision, but it just makes me think about all the other life changing decisions that lay ahead. I love my kids so much and I just want to be confident that I am making the best decisions for them. Being a mom is like one continual guilt trip, if we're not worrying about one thing then it's another. If only all those parenting books and classes would have prepared me for this.

11 comments:

Janessa said...

You are such a great mom! It's way more challanging then I ever thought it would be. You have such a great balance between letting the little things go and spending time on the decisions that really matter. That stinks that they pulled the rug out from under you on the kindergarten thing. It sounds like you've got a good game plan for Jayden though and I'm sure Maddox will be fine with the immunization shots. You're doing great and your kids are very lucky to have such a wonderful mom!!!

Jodee said...

I can't say much about the whole imunization thing because it is a huge struggle for me as well. But, I do think that Jayden will be fine wherever you put him. He will adapt and he will thrive. There is always an oldest and a youngest and they all seem to do just fine. You are an amazing mom. The fact that you even worry about it just shows how much you care.

Rory and Andi said...

Just make sure the teacher he gets will tailor the curriculum to his level. Our charter school is that way. The teachers will fit the curriculum/learning to the child's ability. By the way, Rory was the youngest at his grade. He is an October birthday and Oct. 31st was the cut-off to be five. He absolutely loved it and it never bothered him. He was grateful to get a year and half of college before going on his mission.

Pays said...

Boy do I hear you on this one! I have struggled with the same thing for my little guy. He too would be the youngest in his class. It was really hard to decide what to do. I too, didn't want him to be the last to date, drive, etc. We finally decided to wait and enroll him in a 5 year old preschool class, for those kids that aren't attending Kindergarten. So one more year for us. I think your plan sounds great!! I sometimes wish being a mom could be easier :) Jayden will do great!!

DAVE AND CANDACE BOLLARD said...

I seriously hear you. You can either ruin or make a child with decisions that are placed before you with no idea what to do. And I love the comment for Jason. I feel the same way sometimes. It's like people that tell me I'll get cancer from going tanning. I tell them, if I'm going to get it, it is because my mom never put sunscreen on me as a kid. Harsh I know, but it's reality. We do or don't do things that will impact them forever. The good news is that you see it and worry about it, which makes you an even better mom than you think you are. Your kids are lucky to have you!

Diana said...

I think EVERY mother struggles with this issue. Who knew we'd stress about these sorts of things as parents? At BYU, when you get married, it's almost as if you think all your problems have disappeared. Then real life sets in and you realize the older you get, the harder life is.

Can I just paint a side of the immunization story I hadn't thought of until about a year ago--

a friend of mine has a daughter that from birth had a liver (maybe it was kidney, but I'm pretty sure it was a liver) issue. she was very sick for a long time and finally got a transplant when she was about a year old. but after her surgery and she was thriving again, her mom told me that she will never, ever be able to interact with children (and kids, then adults when she grows up) who haven't been immunized because if those children/people carry diseases they weren't immunized for, she is at risk. it's certainly something i hadn't thought of--when we make decisions for our own children, we think it's just affecting them, but it affects others around us as well. this girl would need to know if there were any children in her nursery/primary classes/school classes that hadn't been immunized; if so, she wouldn't be able to go.

anyway, i'm not saying one way or another. marc's worked with a few autistic boys and their family's are certainly anti immunization and it got me all scared, so i have thought about the issue, too. that's all i'm saying! :)

Chelsea said...

You are a fabulous mom. I think you may have solved your problem with Eagles Aeries? Hopefully it works out. I think I may have sent you the immmunization chart I'm going to follow, did I? Its from a Mom whose little boy has autism. Sorry I'm not much help there, it scares me so much!

Kathi said...

Jaime, we need to talk girly! I am in the same situation with Branson...his birthday is June 29th and I couldn't be more torn about it. I too think I am going to go the two years of kindergarden route...such a hard decision, I totally feel your pain.

Amber! said...

Well, I have to say I'm glad you did the immunizations! I have some pretty strong feelings on that. Most the studies that showed possible links to autism had some MAJOR flaws in them and really proved nothing.

And, I think you are doing the right thing. You can reassess whether he should do another year of Kindergarten or move on to the 1st grade at the end of next year. Good luck.

Bunch of Brooks' said...

Jaime,
I need your email address so I can add you to my blog...it's private now:)

Cammi said...

Didn't you think you'd have a few more years before the difficult stuff came in? It's hitting me a little sooner than I was expecting. We have some school decisions to make too, and all of the regular stuff as well. I think sometimes when it is really difficult to decide, then maybe either option will work out fine, if that makes sense. At least that's what I'm telling myself. :-)