The Young and the Restless

Knowing what to say...

Kylie has said a few things to me lately that have not only caught me off guard, but have made me realize that no matter how much I want to keep her sheltered and stop her from growing up, it's going to happen and it's going to happen alot faster than I'm prepared for. The first thing that has been "weighing" on my mind (don't mind my pun :) is weight issues. It started with a comment last year when she said, "I wish my thighs were as skinny as Emmah's". Every now and then she'll say other comments like when she was sick and throwing up at my aunts house, she came up to me after she was feeling better and said, "look how skinny I am after throwing up so much". Or when I was helping her with her homework and she was saying how she wished her handwriting was as good as a certain girl in her class and I said something along the lines of, "well maybe she looks at you and wishes that she was as good at math as you." After thinking for a minute she said, "yeah, and she probably wishes she was as skinny as me too." I'm really having a hard time knowing what to say. Part of me wants to rave about how skinny she is and how she has the cutest little toned body that I'm insanely jealous of, but then I'm worried that putting a big emphasis on her body will only encourage it. The other part of me wants to blow it off and hope that if I don't make a big deal about it then she won't either. But obviously it's a big deal to her and I know it's only going to get worse. I just feel like she's at such a vulnerable age and I need to take advantage of the fact that she'll actually talk and listen to me now, if only I knew the right thing to say. I also noticed something tonight for the first time. We were at the park when three girls from her school came over. They were all dressed up in their trendy "Justice" clothes with matching hats. Kylie immediately came over and sat by me on the grass and watched them out of the corner of her eyes. I knew exactly what was going on because I've been down that road many a time. It's the equivalent of seeing the "it" girls at the mall....and you're with your parents. Or being excited to go see a movie with your family, only to see that every popular kid in your class is sitting in the row in front of you. That feeling of wanting to sink to the floor and shimmy out of the theater before they saw you. Kylie started whispering comments in my ear about how she didn't like the shirt that she was wearing and about how cute their clothes were. The mom side of me wanted to recite the usuals "it's not what's on the outside that matters, but what's on the inside." But really we all know that what's on the outside matters too. It sucks, but it's true. Even now I still find myself thinking those same thoughts like, "would so and so wear this?". I remember awhile ago a friend had some boutiquey thing at her house. It was at the end of a long day, I didn't feel like chaging out of my grubbies, I hadn't washed my hair for 2 days because I had just gotten it colored (and trust me, my hair is not the once a week washing type) and I just thought I'd stop by for a minute to be nice. Of course I get there and I feel like every diva in Gilbert was there. I just wanted to walk out the minute I walked in. So I totally knew how Kylie felt. She asked if we could leave and I so wanted to take her to another park and let her run around without worrying about what clothes she was wearing or if her hair was out of place. But I didn't want her to give in to the intimidation. I want to teach her to be confident, but how? I want her to know that she's a beautiful girl inside and out and not just because that's what moms are supposed to say. She finally agreed to go play if I played with her (I do love that she's not too emberassed of me--yet) and we found a cool spider with it's egg sac attached to its back in the sand. She decided that would be a worthy conversation topic with the cool girls so we went and showed them. The conversation didn't last long but I was proud of her for being brave, even if it was only for a minute. My heart cracks a little each time I see my kids going through things that I can't always fix. I just wish I knew the right words to say. I need a script. Along with an instruction manual.