The Young and the Restless

Five days

Some pictures for your sake and some random journaling for mine....

It hasn't been that hard of an adjustment--yet. My mom (who is heaven sent) has been on cooking duty, Jason has been on kid duty and with all the naps and sleeping in I've probably slept more than I have in a month. I feel kind of guilty. Ryder sleeps for like 23 hours a day so sometimes I forget I have 4 kids. I know this is the honeymoon period and once he hits 2 weeks it will all change since he'll be awake more and all my help will be gone, so I'm enjoying it while it lasts.

The hardest part has been trying to give the other kids the same amount of attention. Kylie has already made comments like "how come everything is always about Ryder" and "if I got burned on the stove you probably wouldn't even care because all you care about is Ryder". Sometimes when they climb on me and hug me and just want to snuggle, my initial reaction is for them to get off so I can have my space. I hate that. I want to want to hold them as much as before.

I avoid answering the phone the first week home.

I miss having time with just Jason in the evenings after the kids go to bed since now I'm too tired to stay up past 9. Last night we had a movie date night and watched "Just Go With It" on the laptop snuggled in bed eating ice-cream and popcorn. It was lovely.

My heel went numb during my last trimester, and it still is.  Weird.

I feel bad admitting this, but I wasn't baby hungry before or even during my pregnancy. This worried me. I saw other babies and they were cute and it was nice holding them for a short period of time, but I never got that ache in my bosom that you're supposed to feel. It was more like I knew we were going to have 4 kids and the timing was right. I am so glad that has changed. I find myself wanting to do nothing but hold him and stare at him all day. I want to memorize every feature and facial expression and watch him get bigger with each passing minute, wishing I could stop him.

I have sworn off nursing about 5 times now. The cramps kill, the latching on makes me cry and I don't even have enough milk to make it worth it. By the time I nurse on both sides, feed him a bottle and change his diaper, 45 min has passed and what mother of 4 has that much time every couple of hours? But then the next time he cries, I feel what little milk I have letting down and then I am stricken with guilt for being so selfish so I give in to one more last supper.

I get insanely clingy when I'm postpartum.  I hate when Jason leaves and he has a million business trips coming up.

I love his chicken legs. With every feeding I know those skinny little legs are going to start fattening up and turn him into a baby not an infant.

The first two nights he woke up only once, going 4-5 hrs between feedings. The last several nights have been every 3 hours, but I can't complain. This will be my last time having a newborn to wake up to in the middle of the night, that makes me happy and sad at the same time.