The Young and the Restless

Signs

Cold cereal is my life line.
My usually not so good sense of smell is in overdrive.
My emotions are a wreck.
I cracked open the tums for the first time in 2 years.
I wake up at 3 AM to eat cereal.
My favorite pasta dish made me throw up.
Maddox is constantly lifting up my shirt to look in my belly button.
I couldn't ride any of the big roller coasters.
Even the little roller coasters made me sick.
My weekly cleaning day has been pushed back to every other week.
Kylie has to plug my nose for me when I press garlic.
I can't kiss Jason unless he brushes his teeth.
I love the excuse to not fast.

Yep. #4 is on its way, and we are thrilled.

I went in for my first appointment today and they couldn't find the heartbeat. First the nurse tried. Then the doctor. Then the nurse started rubbing my leg sympathetically and handing me tissues.  The doctor tried to sound optimistic but I could tell he was concerned and ordered a vitality check ultrasound. I just wanted everyone to leave so that I could cry.  It seemed like an eternity while I waited for the ultrasound.  I tried studying up on Allure's version of the sexiest new styles for Fall so that I could distract myself from crying. It didn't help, I just kept thinking about how I was going to tell the kids and how I wanted Jason to hop on the next plane back from Vegas.  Finally they walked me down to the ultrasound room as I tried to avoid all the sympathetic smiles I got from everyone I passed in the halls.  They found the heartbeat.  I could have hugged the technician.  I must have just ovulated late that month because the baby is measuring 9 days smaller than it should and that's why they couldn't find the heartbeat.  I don't care that my due date got pushed back. I'm having a baby.  My heart aches for anyone who has had a miscarriage.  The heartwrench I felt in that short period of time was so difficult and I can't imagine the pain of really going through with it.  So while I am more than grateful that this little bean will be coming into our family around June 13th, today I am also sympathetic for those who have experienced a loss.  Motherhood is an emotional rollercoaster that you get on from day one and never ever get off.